Modern Street Ballads


If I had a donkey wot wouldn’t go,
D’ye think I’d wallop him? no, no, no!
But gentle means I’d try, d’ye see,
Because I hate all cruelty;
If all had been like me, in fact,
There’d have been no occasion for Martin’s* Act.
Dumb animals to prevent being crack’d,
      On the head.
If I had a donkey wot wouldn’t go,
I never would wollop him, no, no, no!
I’d give him some hay, and cry Gee! who!
      And come up, Neddy.

What makes me mention this, the more,
I see’d that cruel chap, Bill Bore,
Whils he was a crying out his greens,
His donkey wollop with all his means.
He hit him over the head and thighs,
He brought the tears into my eyes,
      At last my blood began to rise,
            And I said, etc.

Bill turned to me and said, “Then perhaps,
You’re one of those Mr. Martin’s chaps,
Wot’s now a seeking for occasion,
All for to lie an information.”
Though this I stoutly did deny,
Bill up and gave me a blow in the eye,
And I replied, as I let fly,
      At his head, etc.

As Bill and I did break the peace,
To us came up the New Police,
And hiked us off, as sure as fate,
Afore the sitting Magistrate;
I told his worship all the spree,
And, for to prove my veracity,
I wish’d he would the animal see,
      For I said, etc.

Bill’s donkey was ordered into Court,
In which he caus’d a deal of sport,
He cock’d his ears, and op’d his jaws,
As if he wished to plead his cause.
I prov’d I’d been uncommonly kind,
The ass got a verdict—Bill got fin’d;
For his worship and me was of one mind,
      And he said, etc.

* Richard Martin exerted himself especially in the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

<< The Rush Light   Shovel and Broom >>

The End As I Know It: A Novel of Millennial Anxiety, by proprietor Kevin Shay, is now available in paperback.

Please visit for more information.